The Free Land of 9 Chitato is a colossal, socially progressive nation, renowned for its barren, inhospitable landscape, frequent executions, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic population of 6.893 billion 9 Chitatoans live in a state of perpetual fear, as a complete breakdown of social order has led to the rise of order through biker gangs.

The tiny, liberal, pro-business, outspoken government is primarily concerned with Administration, although Defense, Education, and Healthcare are also considered important, while International Aid and Spirituality are ignored. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 7.8%.

The strong 9 Chitatoan economy, worth 372 trillion sparkleses a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Gambling industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing, Basket Weaving, and Cheese Exports. Average income is 54,069 sparkleses, but there is an enormous disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 296,252 per year while the poor average 5,030, a ratio of 58.9 to 1.

Government popup ads are springing up like weeds, many rural villagers have never been more than a day's horse-ride from their birthplace, Leader panders to nontraditional families, and 9 Chitato City's main city thoroughfare has been blocked by a row of leyland cypresses that mysteriously appeared overnight. Crime is a serious problem, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. 9 Chitato's national animal is the chitato, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

9 Chitato is ranked 143,651^st in the world and 96^th in Resuscitation for Most Patriotic, with 9.99 flags saluted per person per day.